Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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