I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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