is your mom at the bar?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
