Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i think my cat just said my name.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
