i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
