Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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