nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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