So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
