Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
