You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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