he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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