Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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