I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i've created a new STD.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize