im having a threesome with these popsicles
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
