God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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