remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize