Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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