I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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