Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
