I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
