accomplished twins. life is a go
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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