I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
