I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.