is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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