Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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