She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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