so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
