We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
