i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
