I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
