Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
