Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
