her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
