I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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