Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
