your parents love me but you hate me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize