the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
