When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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