Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
