i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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