I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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