Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
