It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
