You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
