You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
