Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
