So drunk its hurt
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
