Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
