were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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