So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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