YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
