You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Liz is crying about burritos again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
