discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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