How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"