My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night