You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
