haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
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And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind