never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth