Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now

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(917): I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now http://tfl.nu/4qek

Replies (22) Good night (4318) Bad night (758)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room

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(864): i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room http://tfl.nu/jsw5

Replies (22) Good night (8015) Bad night (1382)
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(850): View more from Florida

So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.

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(850): So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm. http://tfl.nu/5svr

Replies (17) Good night (2622) Bad night (4034)
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(917): View more from New York City

I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.

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(917): I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear. http://tfl.nu/517j

Replies (9) Good night (1372) Bad night (4425)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie

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(504): Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie http://tfl.nu/6e1s

Replies (13) Good night (4496) Bad night (1131)
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(925): View more from California

I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??

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(925): I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing?? http://tfl.nu/da8e

Replies (14) Good night (3712) Bad night (891)
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(940): View more from Texas

This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing

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(940): This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing http://tfl.nu/18y7

Replies (9) Good night (2397) Bad night (987)
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(425): View more from Washington

Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable

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(425): Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable http://tfl.nu/av4s

Replies (8) Good night (3064) Bad night (777)
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(650): View more from California

I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.

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(650): I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage. http://tfl.nu/zawq

Replies (10) Good night (2479) Bad night (1312)
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(253): View more from Washington

Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.

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(253): Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers. http://tfl.nu/t7fg

Replies (6) Good night (520) Bad night (1126)
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(217): View more from Illinois

getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am

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(217): getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am http://tfl.nu/jult

Replies (2) Good night (1410) Bad night (542)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON

(908): View more from New Jersey

Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise

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(410): I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON (908): Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise http://tfl.nu/ujsf

Replies (3) Good night (812) Bad night (364)
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(941): View more from Florida

So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.

(941): View more from Florida

I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.

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(941): So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar. (941): I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/b83h

Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (686)
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(626): View more from California

I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet

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(626): I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet http://tfl.nu/8x4b

Replies (0) Good night (529) Bad night (258)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?

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(804): Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed? http://tfl.nu/h0fu

Replies (8) Good night (641) Bad night (194)

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