When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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