so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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