in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
