i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
