It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize