so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
