After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
