How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
