Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
