just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
