So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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