More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
